My bright idea when I started this blog was to do a little therapy for myself by writing down my struggles and successes and insights as I slog through the last half of my 50s and beyond. I know there are people out there who share the same frustrations and joys. Lately, however, there have been so many frustrations! I hesitated to share only the bad stuff, but I seem to be drowning in bad attitude these days.
My loudest problem is my failure thus far to earn my keep. I got hired as a paralegal last fall (my profession for over 20 years before we left on our adventures) and I was more or less happily resigned to working at that for another 10years, until Social Security and Medicare kicked in. Then I was fired. What a blow that was! Not only that, but since it was in the 90 day no-fault period, they wouldn't even tell me why.
It was such a huge rejection, I have just been stunned, paralyzed, and completely unhorsed. I know, rationally, that I have the same talents and skills I have always had, but it took me two years to get that interview (and I only got it because of a friend) and then - wham.
I have started several businesses over the last three years and none of them has produced much income. I do good work, but have a heck of a time marketing my services. My current attempt is grant writing. So far I have one client - for no pay (it is, after all, my first professional effort).
Every day, including today, I have to take a deep breath and put myself out in the world and put a lid on the voices in my head that tell me failure is just around the next bend. I keep trying to remember all those inspirational stories about Abraham Lincoln and others who made failure an art form until they finally hit on the right path. May this be it! I am running out of money, time, and courage.
